


Don't Treat This Like a Secret

by quartermile



Category: All Time Low
Genre: Eating Disorder, Family, Help, M/M, Past eating disorder, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-16 01:13:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2250336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quartermile/pseuds/quartermile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A four part story about recovery and how support can make all the difference.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Isn't that cute boy you're always talking about supposed to come in today?" May Barakat asks her brother as she leans against the counter at the record store where he works.

"He should. He usually comes in on Saturdays. Around three," Jack tells her, looking up from the list he's checking off to scan the store for the familiar blonde head.

"Seriously, little Bro. If you know the exact time frame that he comes into this store every week - and plan your schedule to work around it which I suspect you do- just talk to him besides ringing him up. Ask him out," she says.

"No!" Jack yells, perhaps a little too loud, causing a customer in the store to glance up at the disturbance. He ducks his head, gesturing an apology to the customer who continues their rifling through the cds. Jack grimaces when he hears the sound of the plastic cases clinking together. He's going to have to put them back in order later.

"Why not, Jack?" May asks exasperated, "He comes in every single Saturday, right?" she pauses and waits for his nod of confirmation, "He can't possibly need new cds every week."

"That's not all we sell, May. We sell iTunes cards and earbuds and headphones and speakers," he explains, reaching over to straighten a wonky iTunes card on the display by the register. He doesn't like things out of place. Well, except for his room. That place is sort of a mess. But that's different, he thinks.

"I know that," she rolls her eyes, "Does he even always buy anything?"

"No," Jack replies after a moment, thinking back to the times the boy had been in here. He still has yet to learn his name. He keeps forgetting to ask, he gets too entranced by the boy's accent; he'd told him before that he is from England. He can recall that there has been multiple times that he has come in and they'd chatted about the new music stock but the boy'd left without buying anything.

"He's obviously coming in here to see you," she says pointedly, cocking her head with a grin.

"Oh hush, May," he tells her, rolling his eyes as he tries to not get his hopes up about it.

"I'm serious! I'm sure he-"

"May! Shut up! There he is!" Jack whisperyells to her, ducking his head as his cheeks flush. May spins around immediately to scan the room for him and Jack resists the urge to smack her. Hasn't she heard of subtle?

"He's looking this way," she informs quietly.

He looks up with wide eyes, smacking her arm this time, "Well stop staring, idiot! He's going to think we're talking about him!"

"Well we are talking about him," she teases, looking back to her brother.

Jack risks a glance over to the boy, seeing he had turned and is scanning over a row of cds, though he can see the dimple in the side of his cheek from a smile. He flushes again, he's sure the boy knows they were talking about him now.

He rings up the customer who had been scouring the selection for around an hour, wishes him a good day, glares at May, then thunks his head against the counter, "Don't you have somewhere to be?"

She laughs, choosing not to answer as she plucks a magazine from the display, flipping the page open. He sits there with his head down, closing his eyes and wishing he could disappear. Or turn into a fly on the wall so that he can safely watch the boy without him knowing. Oh no, Jack thinks, I sound like a creeper.

"Hey Jack?" May asks.

"Will you please go away," he grumbles to her, screwing his eyes shut.

"Uh, I will if you want," a softly accented voice says and Jack's eyes widen as he jerks his head up, "Oh God, I'm so sorry! I though my sister was just messing with me." he tells him. He makes sure to refer to May as his sister instead of by name so that the blonde will not think at all that she is his girlfriend.

He laughs, those cute dimples reappearing that Jack loves to see, "It's alright," he replies, handing over the cd in his hand and reaching back to retrieve his wallet.

"Oh, Nimrod!" Jack exclaims, his eyes scanning over the Green Day cover. He had that cd, but he's pretty sure May borrowed it and never gave it back. Or maybe Rian.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh my God! I wasn't calling you that! I meant the cd," Jack squeaks, his eyes wide.

That cute laugh comes again and Jack risks a look, the boys eyes sparkling brightly as he looks over Jack's bright red face, "I know. I'm just messing with you."

Jack slumps his shoulders. If he didn't know better, he'd think May and the boy secretly knew each other and had teamed up on him to mortify him completely. But he knows that can't be true. May can't keep secrets from him worth shit so.

"He's just nervous. He's shit at talking to someone he thinks is cute," May blurts. She thinks she's helping him apparently. Jack really, really wants to punch her.

"May!" Jack exclaims. He wonders if it's possible to die of embarrassment. If it is, he's pretty sure today will be his last day on Earth.

"Oh, you think I'm cute?" he asks, eyes sparkling again and smiling so big that pearly teeth flash at him. Jack just kind of stares for a moment, trying to think up an answer that doesn't make him sound like a pre-teen girl but May jumps in again, this time actually proving helpful, "Yes he does. He talks about you all the time." Alright, well she serves to embarrass him more, but the blonde doesn't look like he thinks he's creepy.

"Well I have to go so," She grins, hopping off of the stool and waving. Of course she has to go now, now that she's embarassed him enough.

"Why don't you go grab lunch," Jack suggests pointedly.

"I'm not hungry," she replies, waving at Alex and winking at Jack.

"May," he starts, eyebrows furrowing. Of course she'll say that. He sighs a little as she bounces out of the store, hoping she'll atleast grab a snack. His sister has been battling an eating disorder for some time now, and he worries so much about her, even when she embarasses him.

Alex turns back to him from watching her bounce out, a smile replacing the unrecognizable look in his eyes, "So your name is Jack?" he asks, picking the magazine May had left on the counter, closing it and slipping it back into the display.

"Yes," he replies, nerves turning in his stomach. There's no one to take the attention off of him now, and flirting isn't as easy when the boy knows he thinks he's cute.

"Pleasure to meet you, Jack. Well, sort of officially. I never knew your name before," he grins, "I'm Alex."

"Alex," Jack repeats, "Nice name," he finishes lamely. It is true, it's a nice name for a cute boy, but without the last part, it doesn't sound near as good as it did in his head.

"Oh, if you like that, you should hear my phone number," the blond-Alex replies easily and Jack's eyes widen. He wishes he could be half that smooth.

He obviously wants to agree, but he doesn't know how to reply. He settles for taking a sticky note from the register, handing it over to Alex along with a pen, grinning widely. He can't believe the cute boy wants to give him his number.

"For the record, I think you're cute, too," Alex tells him bluntly as he takes the pen and paper, scribbling down his number.

Jack feels his cheeks flush again and he takes the paper that Alex hands back. He wonders whats the acceptable amount of time to text someone so he doesn't seem weird. He figures he'll leave it up to Alex.

He pulls his phone from his pocket and types the number in, saving it as 'Alex ;D" and typing out "hey its Jack!" before laying it back down, "There. Now you have mine," he smiles.

Alex glances at his phone screen and grins, nodding as he straightens up from where he'd leaned over onto the counter, "I have to get back to work. I'll see you later, Jack."

"Oh you work here?" Jack asks, raising an eyebrow. He didn't recall ever seeing the boy around the mall besides when he'd come by the record store.

"Mhm. I work at Hot Topic," he answers. Oh that's why Jack hasn't seen him. Zack had once dated a girl that works in there, and it ended badly. Since Jack knew her - and didn't particularly like her, he'd refrained from entering that store for a while now.

"Oh, awesome! Does Lynn still work there?" he asks.

"Nope. She got fired," Alex replies, a small grin quirking his lips which he tries to fight. Obviously he didn't like her much either. Hmm, maybe Jack will actually go in there one day. He could use a couple new band shirts. He'll check out their selection instead of just relying solely on Tilly's.

"Oh cool. See ya, Alex- oh! I haven't even rang you up yet," Jack says suddenly, realizing he's still holding the Green Day cd that Alex had handed him.

"Oh, don't worry about it. I already have that cd," Alex replies, flashing him a dimpled grin again as he starts to walk out, "I'll text you, Jack."


	2. Chapter 2

The first day that the boys hang out is only mere hours after the exchange of phone numbers. Jack knows that Alex couldn't have even made it back down to Hot Topic yet before his phone beeps, signaling a text from Alex. All through the day they talk, Jack talking about the slight annoyance of people putting cds in the wrong places, and Alex talking about the twelve year old girls flirting with him. They decide to meet after work for coffee.

Jack doesn't sleep that night, his body buzzing, rather it's on caffeine or Alex, he doesn't know.

The second time they hang out, they go to a local band's show at a venue in downtown Baltimore. Jack discovers that Alex is the single most energetic human being on the planet. He's got a few bruises himself from standing at the edge of the mosh pit, but Alex is probably covered, considering he was inside it.

The third time they hang out, it's a legit date. Alex asked him on it, and Jack gladly agreed. A movie and sharing popcorn, then dinner at In-n-Out. Nothing fancy but it was perfect to them. When Alex dropped him off at his house, they shared a kiss. It wasn't a long makeout session but it was definitely enough to keep Jack up all night thinking about it.

Three days after their date, Alex pops the questions. No, not that one, the will you be my boyfriend one. Jack squeals - you heard it: squeals - and of course his answer is a big fat yes.

Pretty soon after that, Alex becomes pretty much a staple of the Barakat household. If he isn't at work, usually he's right along with Jack playing a video game or even helping Joyce cook when Jack himself is at work. Alex loves to cook and it gives him an opportunity to practice and bond with his new boyfriend's mother. And it makes Jack super happy so it's a win win.

The Barakats love having him around. He's incredibly polite, helpful and sweet to everyone and gets along well with both mom and sister. Jack sort of dislikes how often May brings her friends over, though, because they fawn all over Alex and his adorable accent.

-=-

Work has become far more fun for Jack. Alex shows up on his break and before or after work, judging on his time for the day, and Jack does the same. Even on the food runs that Alex does, he always stops and asks if Jack wants anything, and May if she's hanging around.

"Hey Alex!" Jack greets brightly as he sees the blonde walk through the door, "How's work?"

"It's alright," he answers, leaning over the counter to peck Jack's lips, "It's a pretty slow day. That chick that's always hanging around that's one of Karina's friends has been there all morning. Flirting with me and shit. Karina told her that I'm gay, and taken. But she's relentless. Like, have a little shame, girl."

Jack laughs softly at Alex's speech. He feels very strongly about the way people portray themselves and has no problem going on a rant about it. Jack doesn't mind. He loves to hear Alex's voice.

"Do I need to go up in there and kick some girl's ass?" Jack asks, quirking an eyebrow in amusement.

Alex laughs, "You probably shouldn't do that. You might get banned from the mall. But I wouldn't mind if you popped in and planted a big smooch on my lips in front of her."

"I think that can be arranged," Jack says quietly, grinning and taking the collar of Alex's shirt, pulling him forward to kiss him. He takes a moment to enjoy the way Alex's lips move against his own before pulling back. He would happily sit there and kiss his boyfriend all day, but if a customer complained about it, he could get in trouble with one of his bosses.

"How has your day gone?" Alex asks.

"It hasn't really been too slow here actually. I've had several customers. One guy hung around for like an hour and carried around like ten albums. I don't even know where he put them all back but he only bought two. So I'm going to have to find them and put them back," he grumbles making Alex grin that big grin of his that Jack loves so much.

Alex laughs and hops up onto the counter, kicking his feet against the front lightly. Jack picks the pen from the front of the register, placing it back in the cup, "What kind of new stock do you guys have?" he asks a question that can have a long answer just so he can hear that soft accent of Alex's voice.

"We've got a bunch of new My Little Pony shit. Like, what is the obsession with that shit? Aren't they just little figurines to play with?" he asks, raising a thick eyebrow.

"Actually I believe it's a cartoon now. My little cousin watches it. It comes on after Adventure Time," Jack replies, resting his head on his hand as he watches Alex twirl his bangs around his finger.

"Oh. Umm, most of the stuff that came in is just stuff we normally get. We didn't get too much new this week. Oh! There is a few new designs of Fall Out Boy t-shirts that you should check out," Alex explains.

"What makes you think I would want to look at those?" Jack teases.

"Umm. Your obsession with them maybe? Don't act like you don't have a major hard-on for Pete Wentz," Alex says with a roll of his eyes, his eyes glinting with amusement as he leans forward to grab a magazine from the rack under the counter.

Jack curls his fingers under the belt loop of the ridiculously tight jeans his boyfriend has on to keep him from falling off of the counter, "Oh yeah. I'd totally fuck him. I use his nudes to masturbate to all of the time, you know."

"Eh, it wouldn't surprise me, babe. But I'd totally let Patrick ess my dee," Alex replies.

"I'm sure you would. You are kind of a slut," he teases back.

Alex feigns a gasp and places his hand on his chest, furrowing his eyebrows together, "That hurt me deep, Jack Barakat. I don't know if I can ever recover from your cutting words."

"Oh hush your lips," Jack grins.

"I will if you put yours on my dick," Alex replies cheekily.

Jack chooses to push Alex off of the counter instead of letting him see the blush that heats his cheeks.


	3. Chapter 3

It begins as any normal Saturday morning in the Barakat household. May and Jack showing up in the kitchen for breakfast, Jack annihilating his whole stack of pancakes, along with the rest of May's. Alex shows up around eleven, he and Jack spending time playing video games until they congregate back into the kitchen for lunch.

Joyce makes maccaroni and cheese, sitting a bowl in front of the three teenagers, each loaded with chopped franks. Just how Jack's always liked it.

At first, it's nothing. Jack digs in, Alex following at a slightly slower pace, and May sticking to the piece of celery she'd been eating. She finally reaches over, grabbing the maccaroni box that'd been left on the counter, studying the nutrition facts closely.

After a moment, Alex leans over, plucking the box from her hands and tossing it in the garbage can with an exclamation of protest from May.

"You don't need to look at that," he says in a solemn tone, turning back to his bowl as the other two watch in confusion. May gives him a sour look, sighing but leaving it alone.

The conversation goes back to normal until May tries to slip away.

"May, you haven't eaten anything," Joyce says.

"I'm not hungry," she replies.

"May," Jack starts, lips turning into a frown, "You haven't even touched it. How could you not be hungry. You ate like two pancakes this morning and a stick of celery. A rabbit eats more than that."

"Leave me alone, Jack. I said I'm not hungry," she replies irritably, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Can you two not do this right now? We have a guest," Joyce tells them, sighing quietly. It's just a deterrent honestly. Over the last month or so that Jack and Alex have been together, Alex has hardly left. He's witnessed plenty of fights and arguments, and even been a part of one or two.

"How can you say that, Mom? She won't fucking eat. Isn't that a red flag to you? She's been doing this shit for months and all you say is to leave it alone! What the hell even?" Jack exclaims, shoving his chair away from the table. All forks are down now, no one eating.

"Yes Jack," Joyce starts, her voice shaking, but serious, "It is a worry to me. But what can I do? We try to make her, it makes it worse. You can't force her."

"Yes you fucking can! She's almost passed out like five times in the last month that I can think of. You know something is wrong! Make her eat!" Jack exclaims, his face showing anger but his eyes showing worry.

"I'm fucking sitting right here." May snaps.

"Will you two watch your mouths," Joyce tells them.

Jack lowers his voice just in the slightest, ignoring May's words, "Mom. You know something is wrong. Everyone keeps tip toeing around it and the subject of food all together. What's it going to take. She's my fucking sister and I worry about her. Why won't anyone do anything?"

"What am I supposed to do, Jack? You and I try. I cook everything that I know your sister likes, but she doesn't want it. She refuses. I can't do anything more than that if she refuses." She says.

"Can you two stop talking about me like I'm not here?" May asks, her voice angry but full of tears as her eyes well up, "I don't even know how to make it better. I don't think I can. I don't think these things go away," She whispers, about as much of an admittance as she's willing to give.

Alex decides to pipe up then before anything gets out of hand and tempers flare. He'd been all but forgotten, staying silent and staying out of the family affair. He can't lie and say he hasn't noticed his boyfriend's sister never eats, and she's scarily skinny, but he's stayed out of it until he heard the admittance leave the girl's lips, "I haven't forced myself to throw up in almost two years."

The angry arguing words between mom and son cease and the room falls silent, all eyes on him. But he focuses his gaze on May.

"I.. You.." She inhales a shaky breath, "Wh-what?"

"I had bulimia for about three years. From when I was thirteen to when I was sixteen. It's been almost two years since I've made myself throw up," he repeats.

"You have an eating disorder?" she asks, her voice quiet as a tear rolls down her cheek.

"Had, May. I had one," Alex replies, "I'm okay now."

"You never told me," Jack whispers and Alex turns to see two other sets of misty eyes looking at him.

"There wasn't much of a need. It doesn't define me, Jack. It doesn't define your sister. You have it, it doesn't have you. She doesn't need to be attacked nor does she need you to make her eat. When food becomes your fear, you need support. She needs your support."

"Alex, I..." she says again, at a complete loss for words. He straightens up a little, reaching over to pat her small hand.

"Every meal is a personal accomplishment for me, even now. Every snack makes me feel like I just got a gold star. I have to distract myself after I eat so I don't think about locking myself in the bathroom and sticking my fingers down my throat. I have scars on my knuckles still and it's a struggle to not study food labels like they're the SATs. But it gets easier. Recovery is possible." he tells her, "Food isn't an enemy."

"It feels like it," she whispers.

"I know it does," he agrees, "But you're not defined by a number, neither the amount of calories you eat nor the number that flashes back at you when you step on the scale. I'm still learning to be proud of myself instead of disgusted when I gain a pound or two. But there's honestly a certain amount of relief in it now." he says, "I still step on the scale sometimes, but it's no longer an obsession."

His voice even shakes a little as he continues, "You have your family's support behind you and that is a huge deal. You can beat it, May."

She stares at him for a moment, tears slowly making tracks down her cheeks. She glances down at her bowl, silence ringing loudly in the room. Everyone jumps just slightly when Alex moves, he leans forward, slowly picking up the fork that had never been placed into the cheesy noodles. He flips it over, holding the handle side toward May.

She looks at him, her bottom lip trembling as she glances down at the metal. She lifts her hand, taking it from him slowly and he gives her a smile. He leans back against his chair, picking up his own fork and pointedly takes a bite of his noodles.

He gives her a smile and a nod of encouragement, squeezing her arm when she takes the bite, "See? Tastes good, right? Your mom is a pretty good cook, you don't want to miss out on that, right?"

"She is," she whispers, a small smile on her lips as she glances over to her mother. The rest of the meal is silent, slow, but it is at least a little over halfway completed by Jack's sister, something that hasn't happened in a very long time.


	4. Chapter 4

Mealtime in the Barakat household slowly becomes a little less tense over the next two weeks. There are still struggles and arguments about food, but it's easier with the ever encouraging Alex in his place at the table.

Before, Joyce had been fairly iffy about allowing Alex to stay over night, but now she almost wants to ask him to herself. Not only does he make her son incredibly happy, but somehow he's gotten her daughter, who actually treats him as somewhat of a celebrity, to start eating again and that's something she feels she owes him big time for. She doesn't find it too hard to let the boy stay over after that.

-=-

"I am stuffed," Jack announces as he sinks down onto the couch in the living room, pulling Alex down beside him ,"Put in Home Alone!"

"We just watched that two nights ago, Jack," May protests, laughing and shaking her head as she scans over the movie titles on their bookshelf of dvds.

"But it's always good!" Jack whines and Alex rolls his eyes, snaking his arms around the boy, fitting their bodies together as per usual, "So. Would you rather... be attacked by a shark or an alligator?"

"Wow Jack. That's pretty gruesome," May laughs.

It's become something of a tradition almost for the three kids - and sometimes Joyce if she isn't otherwise preoccupied - to throw out some kind of brain teaser or thinker. A favorite of theirs happens to be Would You Rather.

Alex knows it's their attempt of distracting him because it only started after the day he told them about his distracting himself to keep him from wanting to go lock himself in the bathroom. He appreciates it immensly because that thought will often pop up in his mind. And he likes the game anyway.

"I think shark. I mean, either one would suck, but generally a shark will leave you alone if you like, hit it's nose or poke it in the eye or something, so I've read anyway. And even if it does attack you, most likely it'll just bite off something and go about it's way. Whereas an alligator is in for the kill. Alligators drag you under and do the whole death roll thing. They rip you to shreds. Shark won't necessarily unless it gets the wrong part of your body, you know? I just think you have a better chance at surviving a shark attack," Alex explains, "But I would hope not to ever encounter either. That's why I don't go past knee deep in the ocean."

"Aww I'll protect you baby," Jack grins, his arms wrapping tight around his boyfriend.

"Your scrawny ass? It'd rather have me than you. I have more meat on me," Alex laughs, teasing him.

Jack's face is suddenly serious, "Alex, you're not fat. Not at all."

"I didn't say I was, Jacky. But I am bigger than you," he replies, squeezing his arm gently. He guesses he should have seen where Jack's thoughts would have gone with that. He'd been very worried about him after his admission of his eating disorder, "I didn't mean it badly, I promise."

Jack keeps his eyes locked on his for a moment, searching for any doubt that he'd happily shoot down. He doesn't want the blonde to ever feel the need to purge ever again. He's perfect in his eyes.

"I agree with Alex, honestly. And as long as you don't go super far out, you should be safe from them. But alligators and crocodiles hang out on the banks, too. So," May laughs, "Can we not talk about this? Creeps me out. Hannah and I are going to the beach this weekend."

The two boys settle onto the couch as May sits in an armchair, grabbing the remote as the menu screen for Anchorman comes onto the tv.

Alex rests his head against Jack's, feeling the flip in Jack's hair tickling at his cheek. He laces their fingers together and smiles happily, pulling a blanket over their legs as the movie starts.

-=-

"I can't believe I never noticed this," Jack's quiet voice comes and Alex moves his eyes from the tv. He follows his gaze down to his hand where Jack's fingers lightly dance along the white scars across his knuckles.

He really forgets they're there, himself. He likes to not think about how they're only there from his eating disorder. In a way, they're self-inflicted, being from where his teeth would cut his skin whenever he'd make himself throw up. He's definitely not proud of it. But he's healing, just like May.

"I wish they'd go away," Alex whispers back.

"I wish they'd never have to have been there. But you shouldn't wish them away. They're scars now, which means they've healed, like you have. That's what matters baby," Jack replies, pressing his face into Alex's neck and hugging him tightly, "I love you."

"I love you, too, Jack," he replies.

Jack gives him a brightly smile, rubbing a hand down his side as the movie starts. He can't believe that just a short time ago, it was nothing but flirty looks between the two, now they're dating.

The blonde boy with the British accent walked into his store one day and he never would have guessed that he would end up not only changing his life but the lives of his family as well.


End file.
